Two weeks = Eternity

It has only been two weeks since I moved into my new dorm but for some reason it has felt longer and I keep realizing that it hasn't been that long since I have been in school. It's strange looking out a window and then realizing you have a different view from last semester and even a different room. I just hadn't been fully conscious of the change though some people call that being nostalgic. It's strange to take a step back and realize how much life does change because sometimes we are so caught up in trying to reach that future that we don't appreciate the present. I guess for some people they really don't care but personally I like to stop and smell the roses whenever I get the chance.

Philosophy, life, struggle...

Soo I feel like I am in limbo and because it seems that life is trying to make me quit and I cannot quit. I am not a quitter, but this semester has been crazy. I thought school would be so much better but instead it has only given me more of a struggle. I have felt like crying for the past few weeks but my pride won't let me. I won't give up but if I can survive this semester then I think I will have fully matured. There is just so much going on and I am absolutely busy.

So apparently Nietzche (probably mispelled his name) said that time repeats itself and that you suffer the greatest heartaches and joys repeatedly. At first, I didn't believe it but now it makes sense atleast in terms of repeating semesters. However, this news doesn't cause me to despair because I have a stronger will that provokes me only to see this piece of philosophy as another challenge to overcome. If anything I know that I cannot give up. I only pray for guidance and maybe some support.

I think that this year is my year of testing because who knows how hard it will be to be out of college and fully independent. How hard is real life? So I guess this a test of my will to see the true strength, to prove for once and for all that I am a strong and smart person. That I can handle living on my own. I cannot quit no matter how narrow the path ahead seems. This is my life, my dreams and goals, and I know I can do this. I don't want to be stuck in time but move forward.

Summer is gone
Fall is near
Time stands still
As I moan and groan

Watch me
As I grow
Learning, working, earning
All day long

I have no break
No time to relax
Just time to grow

One tear here and there
Another for that
Oh when will life
Ever cease to be difficult!

Detour

On a path
A fork appears
A guess
And a choice
Smooth and long
It led on

Now a new fork appears
Looking back
Time well spent
Ahead
Another road
Winds down
Long and hard
And often times
In the dark

What lays ahead
At the end
All the encouragement
I need to see
One step forward
On a new path

Transformation

In every thing I am and do
I know I have a purpose
I cannot hold back any longer
I must overcome myself
To achieve that which I was meant to be
Times change
And so must I
One glance back
Two steps forward
I am ready
To begin the journey of
Transformation.

Education...
That is what I seek most in life at this point. However, it seems that life keeps trying to build up that wall that I have destroyed. My father and brother continue to seek to tie me down with words that hurt and condescending attitudes. When all I have done is really seek to be a pleasing person to my friends and family and to trust the Lord with all my anxieties of the future and present. He has not let me down but this continuous disapproval from my own kin makes it harder for me to succeed. I struggle day and night to stay optomistic and positive, to not let them get to me, but it still hurts when you wish with all your heart still that they would be proud of you. They see me not for who I am but for my flaws. Now more than ever my heart is worn and my mind bogged down by the pressures and anxieties exerted on me every return trip I take home. My only comforts are my mother, friends and above all the confidence God has bestowed upon me as well as His love. I will not give up nor listen to those who seek only to elevate themselves by abusing me with their words. I will hold fast to my Lord and do my best to please Him, and I shall continue to work hard towards my dreams.