Saturday, October 29, 2011

Lessons learned in October

October has been a roller coaster of a month, but I feel like I have said that before about other months. On the bright side I have had plenty of time to hang out with friends and boy have I had some fun times! Those times though have helped me through the rough times. The funny thing is that when I was feeling at my lowest, I suddenly had a revelation that I was not the only one suffering the same misgivings about relationships between the opposite sex nor the only one with bad luck with guys; there is an epidemic of miscommunications as well as jerks.At first I was thinking that guys who are nice but then flake off or turn out to be jerks are worse than jerks. I also thought that having crushes on guys is just bad because then if they turn out not to like you after they got you all hopped up on hope and therefore much less inflated. However while reading one manga (which yes is a shoujou) I stumbled upon this scene:
NOTE: This reads right to left instead of left to right because it is Japanese!

At first I didn't think too much about the scene but then it hit me what she said. We spend so much time thinking about the end result that we don't see that we have had happy memories in between. In my experience I was so focused on getting a boyfriend that I couldn't just have fun playing around with guys. I wanted that security and comfort but in the end, when I did reach that I didn't even know how to act. Applying this principle to any situation that takes a process I think helps us to get so much more out of whatever we are doing.
Currently I am enjoying flirting, channeling some River Song from Doctor Who but also some Tina Fey from reading her book Bossy Pants. In the book, Tina talks about how the rules of Impromptu changed her life. 

The rules of improvisation appealed to me not only as a way of creating comedy, but as a  worldview. Studying improvisation literally changed my life.
The first rule of improvisation is AGREE., Always agree and SAY YES. When you're improvising, this means you are required to agree with whatever your partner has created... Now obviously in real life you're not always going to agree with everything everyone says. But the Rule of Agreement  reminds you to  "respect what your partner has created" and to at least start from an open-minded place. Start with a YES and see where that takes you.
The second rule of improvisation is not only to say yes but YES,AND. You are supposed to agree and then add something of your own...To me YES,AND means don't be afraid to contribute. It's your responsibility to contribute. Always make sure you're adding something to the discussion. Your initiations are worthwhile.
The next rule is MAKE STATEMENTS. This is a positive way of saying "Don't ask questions all the time." Whatever the problem, be a part of the solution. Make statements, with your actions and your voice.
THERE ARE NO MISTAKES, only opportunities.

I hadn't realized that after reading her book, I had started to put most of the rules into action. I am still working on the Making Statements and Not being afraid to contribute but hey somethings are easier than others.

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