Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Don't take for granted the life you have lived, live and will live....appreciate it!

So I was supposed to be in Albuquerque this week but plans changed and today I was supposed to hang out with another friend but I ended up staying with my bff for the rest of the day...partly due to laziness. Plans change all the time and that's why I never make plans for sure because God likes to change my plans all the time...he did for my post high school life. So I am just winging it.

I know I am not the most wisest person, I for sure have friends that are smarter and wiser than me but hey I think I have handled my life pretty well. I mean I have been through a lot both academically and personally. I don't know if most people would be okay after going through the bs I did especially since it wasn't just at school but at home. I can explain it in no other way than God having a plan for me. He was the one who pulled me out of the black hole I was living in. I really am an optomistic person and sometimes I think it annoys people...but I do have my days where I let myself be pessimistic. I mean, I am human afterall and I need to vent and cry and just do nothing but only for that day and then the next day I get up and work hard.

Oh, all last November was hard academically but being a nerd, it was the hardest thing to realize how much I was suffering gradewise and see how much I had degraded from high school...aka be a much worse slacker/student than I was then. Then my insomnia hit me and it sucked because the one sure way to relieve stress that I had was taken away. Luckily I had my bff on the phone and she helped me out by listening to my complains and b*tching and crying and eventually I got some sleep though really at an inconvenient time. She heard me argue with God about everything that month had put me through. Now even after the break my sleeping habits are still messed up but it really is because of some unforeknown reasons that I think might help if I go to therapy/counseling will help me.

Before I was so against counseling but after being told by three different people who I know all meant the best for me that I should go to counseling, well obviously God was speaking to me and no one should ignore God when he repeats himself three times. So my first session went well; I somehow ended up breaking down. I guess I had had a lot on my mind that I needed to get out and needed to cry. Wow I cried deeply, that is something in itself. So there you have it, counseling/therapy worked for me. I guess sometimes we all need someone who will listen to us, understand us, and help us understand ourselves and help ourselves and is not biased. Yah life is rough, but I wouldn't change anything about my past as much as it was made me who I was and if God trusted me with this life then I won't waste it but appreciate it.

I like what Ellen DeGeneris had to say about one of her days. She was talking about how one morning her coffee grinder broke and spilled coffee grounds but before she could lose her temper she saw a hummingbird hovering in front of her window and the beauty of the bird was so amazing that for the rest of the day she was happy. It made her day because all day she just remembered the bird and stopped to appreciate it and the moment. We should all learn from her and learn to stop and appreciate those moments in our life even if everything around us is crazy and hectic. I mean if that's how douglas adams says we learn to fly then why not. I love Ellen she is my role model. Perhaps I will write to her one of these days and maybe she will give me a call. That would be freaking awesome! In the meantime, I will just enjoy her talk show and blog on her website called A Thought...And I Do Have A Thought or something like that and I would encourage others to read it as well because she is so funny and yet real in her blog.

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