I find it amazing that sometimes God can speak to me through the media that I read and watch. I mean even when I read my manga, I find that God speaks to me and encourages me. Watching Lord of the Rings tonight with the Hobbit Society, I learned that it is not through my own strength that I continue but through God's that I am able to stay positive after all that has happened this week. It was an incredibly despairing week and the only reason I am still optimistic is because I know it will get better. I know that this is only the end of the beginning. God really was great because I feel so blessed to have the friends I do. They cheer me up so much so that it doesn't matter that this week I got dealt with bad news each day. Just knowing that I am appreciated and that my ideas are welcome are great. Perhaps thats why I love college so much because it is a place of discussion and your co-workers are your friends and they share the same ideas. I meet people everyday that think like me and thus I talk with and grow and learn together. This is something I lacked at home; even with my brother, he could never understand that I needed someone to talk with and share ideas. So it was hard to take the fact that I didn't get into Scribendi this year but now I can take a class with my friend which will be better. I won't give up. I will improve.
So I am pursuing foreign languages, but I discovered through my manga,how much I really want to go to Japan. I want to learn to speak it fluently, make friends there, and teach English there. I want to travel around and I don't care if it puts me into debt and behind in school. For the experience, it is totally worth it. This is my definition of success. I know my friends are graduating and I am still behind but I make new friends this way. I live my life according to my own terms and not that of the world's.
As I work on my honor's final project, I couldn't help but cry. Thinking of how our culture is such a consumer culture. I mean we really buy clothes because of the name and not the quality. I think we are very close to just selling our soul for status. If that day ever comes, I think even the prostitutes might be better off than us. Status is such a power struggle and all I wonder is what good does status do us. It can neither buy us love nor happiness nor friends. Sometimes it even comes between that and us. True beauty isn't store bought or universal but it is when things are left untouched and natural. We can put on so much make up but after a while it just becomes a mask and unnatural - think of Michael Jackson's nose. Even a slightly crooked nose is better than a fake one. It is just sad that people can't see their own beauty but try to look like someone they aren't.