Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Gilmore girl marathon makes me feel smarter!

Soo I recently went to best buy and bought the fourth season of Gilmore Girls (I love that show) because they were on sale for half their original price. If I had more money I would have bought all five seasons but alass I spent all my money on presents. Anyhow watching it made me feel smarter and glad to be in college. It also made me anxious for the far future which is to be a mother. I think I will be a good mother when I am ready for that even if I have a career. We will so how that works out.
Soo things are coming along smoothly now, nothing new has happened. My brother leaves to Houston this friday sadly. I will miss him. It turns out that I will be able to take my honors class and possibly even go on the Thailand mission trip with Analisa and Carrie this summer. Wow things are so crazy now. I wonder what this new year will bring me. I trust in God almost completely because I am just hardly ever in the present. I am always in my own world thinking of things all the time. So every decision I make is never really well thought out or planned out.

It's strange how many people wear masks. We all walk around pretending we are happy and that everything is working out in public but in private it's a different story. Even stranger to think that every home is different and every family has a different story and furthermore every person has different experiences. So it really is possible to think that this world we live on could just be a giant computer built to answer the question of life.

I really think that I am following my path but today when my mom and I stopped by a Quiznos to eat dinner, we ran into an old classmate from high school. She remembered me pretty well and for the life of me I couldnt recognize her. She was two classes above me and so I was like well I dont think I got to know older classmates. Then after thinking about it I was like wait, I do remember I had P.E. class with some seniors in my sophomore year of high school and took pictures with them and thats when I remembered her. It was strange that I had forgotten about that year and that P.E. class and it made me feel glad that she remembered me, but that just shows how much I am not in the present and it makes me feel sad that I could forget that. So I hope to be able to be more in the present but for some reason my mind wanders off. Odd, that. Well I can't really do that much about that but I will try and be happy about each and every day of my life. I mean I should be happy to be alive but I guess I still retain some of my old attitude. I will work on that this year. I wonder what it means exactly to be happy to be alive because I really thought I was happy but now I see that perhaps I am not because I don't appreciate every day of my life fully. However, the question is when you are happy to be alive how do you act? I think I am but that I just dislike the society and culture that we live in. I mean if you ever look at people, they seem to be numb and always in a hurry. They never fully enjoy their life it seems. Then they patronize kids and have very little spirit. Its just all so monotone and dull and I am a colorful person with lots of spirit. I believe that we should listen to kids because they can see more than we can (and I am speaking both figurativelyand in some cases literally). I mean shouldn't we be more open minded, isnt that the way to gain peace. So why are more adults becoming close minded and...dull instead of more happy? I just see the world in a sense degenerating but at the same time also regenerating. I know its wierd, I can't explain it. Perhaps its just another aspect of the balance we live in.

1 comment:

Yuri said...

"if you ever look at people, they seem to be numb and always in a hurry. They never fully enjoy their life it seems. Then they patronize kids and have very little spirit..."

I know exactly what you mean, and this sort of attitude ticks me off, too. Now I understand what you mean about always mainting a it of childish-ness in you. It's important for one's sanity to not take everything seriously, ne?