Tuesday, April 22, 2008

On being humble or living the ascetic life...

I feel tears forming along my eyes lower lid but I can't let myself cry. I want to cry because I want things that I can't have and don't really need but would make my life a little brighter, give me a sense of temporary relief from feeling broke. I recently lost my car yet again to a new car accident but I am still upset because I was being very careful that morning and yet still it happened. The insurance company claimed I was 100% at fault so that to me feels like they are calling me a liar when I am telling the truth and I just want them to believe me. Then during spring break, my parents found me a new car but it was a Toyota Corolla and not a Honda Civic. If you know me, you know I sold my soul to Honda. I know the Corolla is as good as the Civic, perhaps better because it gets better mileage but the style is so plain and there is much left to be desired at least like my car stereo that was sold off by the insurance company. I really am upset at the insurance company this time because they were such jerks and didn't repay us a fair amount for the car. I think there is some corporate greed going on there. My car stereo was worth 300 dollars and the car 8000 dollars...we only got back 6000 dollars. I want to switch insurance companies to All-state because they are at least kind enough to give me accident-forgiveness. Farm-state can kiss my butt once I am financially independent.
Living without my ipod has been difficult. I can no longer listen to it when I can't sleep but have to play the music from my comp. quite a bit loud. It's not the same as listening to music through your own personal ipod. I can't relax or shut off the world. I have to hear the music through the noise of the city. There was also just something about having your own ipod... nearly the same feeling as reading a really good book you enjoy. Furthermore it was my first and I had personalized it. I was happy and then it was stolen right under my nose in my own apartment. That was the last draw/straw for me and the impetus to leave this apartment.
Second, my camera got broke. A camera I had also gotten fond of. It wasn't fancy but a good quality digital camera. It took great average camera photos. I know I didn't take many photos with it recently but now I have been walking around wishing I could take photos of things that inspire me around campus. No such look anymore. I just have to remember them.
I recently found a place near enough campus and with a moderate rent rate where I can live. It was nice. It had wood floors and a good bathroom, a fair-sized kitchen and a living area. The heater was an old one though and the kitchen had a small stove and decent fridge. I will need to buy a microwave and baking will be in small amounts. No dining room sadly but that's alright. I will just have to find a way to fit a decent table in the kitchen and update the kitchen without doing anything permanent. It's definitely a downgrade from my current apartment but for a single student its not too bad. I will hopefully be able to get a cat to keep me company contrary to my mother's wishes but it will be nice to have that company. I still love spot but he wouldn't like to be closed up anyways and he is my home cat lol. I want a cat that will be willing to cuddle with me. I will also need a couch and a table with at least two chairs.The closet is smaller but still decent. I will just have to redo my closet, donate some clothes and store winter clothes in a separate place (perhaps home again).I will find a way to make the small apt home, add some style - I am thinking cottage or contemporary or eclectic.
Still despite having my Wii and TV/Monitor and cable/internet and everything else. It has been hard living without my luxuries. I will definitely need my new cat because it will get lonely and he/she can keep me company as well as serve as something to wake up to. He/she will be kept inside but taken out when I am outdoors only. I don't care about allergies. I will deal with that and I will keep the house clean on my own. I will also plant a container herb garden in my back porch and have some other potted plants. I am looking forward to having my own place at last where I can entertain some friends.

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