Saturday, April 26, 2008

Sometimes I feel like I am OK being single. I was walking today and there were a few couples out but I didn't mind seeing them as I usually do. It was strange but it felt good. I thought to myself surely as soon as I can start living on my own then I will find that man, but more than that, I felt sure that God had someone for me. That I would for sure find that person that I have been waiting for most of my life. This I felt confident and that gave me peace from God. It wasn't the belief that through my own efforts I would find him because I was sure that no matter if I was doing well on my own and was successful, that he would come to me but that when I felt ready God would provide. Maybe I do just want that company but I think you have to work at it like any other relationship. You have to invest that time with that person,i.e. you have to invest in the other. I don't know who God has set aside for me. I just know that if God gives you an opportunity you shouldn't waste it. You should seize the chance to build a relationship. As the semester winds down to its big finale, I find myself talking to God more. He has been waking me up in the mornings early 8 am to be exact and I find that amazing.I mean it isn't through my own will power but through God that I am able to do it. I really am glad about that. My next choice is what is my summer going to be like. I want to earn money on my own and do stuff but I need to learn to balance work and school as well as to focus even when I am stressed out. It's hard but I am sure I will learn. Well I am ready for bed so goodnight to all.

I also have discovered a trouble that I had been ignoring. I think the reason I am not doing as well as before in school is because I am not doing what I am most passionate about - architecture. It is true that I do like foreign languages and Asian studies and art but just as I couldn't abandon Japanese I cannot abandon architecture. It was when I thought it wasn't going get into the school of architecture that all the troubles began. It was then that I broke down that first week of the semester. I just haven't been true to myself but rather have ignored the pain I feel whenever I see anyone with an architecture project. So that made up my mind about what I was going to do summer. Rather than give up my AutoCad class to work at Target to earn more money, I am going to take the AutoCad class and give my worry of finances to God. Rather the more important thing is that I stay true to myself and have faith that God will provide. Once I am familiar with AutoCad I can work at an architecture firm and that will get me ahead more than working at Target and paying bills. You have to look ahead to the future rather than look at the present. Otherwise you won't be prepared when an obstacle comes your way because you didn't see it coming. All these things, I know because I have prayed to God for his guidance. I have given him all my concerns and he has answered them.

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