Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Human beings are amazing despite opening Pandora's box.

I know it sounds cliche but its true. We can endure so much hardship and still be able to smile honestly. Though I know it isn't true for most. There are a few of us that do break but I guess the point that matters is that it really just depends on us and how much strength and hope we have. I think when they created the myth about Pandora's box, there was more to it than meets the eye. I mean first of all, why would hope be locked up with all that other negative stuff. Sure, hope can sometimes be not so good but it can also be very powerful. I think even if we did know what lays ahead for us, hope would still be needed to get us through the most difficult parts as well as the days leading up to those times.

I know I personally have been through a lot and really I thank God for keeping me sane. It was his strength that gave me hope. He believed in me and that was all I needed. He also created me just as I am, the good and the bad. He gave me my Pandora's box knowing that I could overcome all the negative with just that hope and in this case, a hope that has not failed me yet.

I have been trampled on but not yet had my heart crushed. Perhaps because I am a very careful person, not that I have never fallen in love but that I have never fully given my heart away and I have always been very strong willed and minded - my parents can attest to this. They still don't fully understand nor appreciate me but they try their best. I think the spirit of the women before me lives strongly in me. These things were all given to me by God to give me strength and mentors through the desert, and never before have I been tested so much in my life as I have these past two years.

Truly, does the lord test me but still I persevere and praise the Lord. My heart and faith remain firm despite not having a reprieve in quite some time. Yet despite falling down sometimes, I find strength to continue on from an unknown source that I can only attribute to God. There are times when my body fails me but I know my spirit is strong; when my body does give out, it is then that God replenishes me. He finds ways to speak to me that I wouldn't never imagine and people doubt it. This is proof of how God can transform evil into good. Perhaps evil is short sighted and tries to win as quickly as possible but God with his foresight takes a defeat and uses it to deceive the enemy for the true victory - the difference between small wins and the ultimate goal (something I learned from chess).

Anyhow, I find it amazing that I am still sane, that even though I have yet to have my love returned, I still continue to love. I love those that don't love me but sometimes I am depleted. I wish my family would understand that I don't like fighting fire with fire. That I am more aware of the more important things than the petty things and that I know when to withdraw and when to fight - though the later only happens mostly around family. (I have been hurt by my family in more ways than one but I still love them as well.) The thing is that I see how we are weak and not perfect including myself. Thus, I cannot dislike people for their personalities because I know that there are deep reasons for their behavior. I know firsthand how cruel this world is but I continue to believe in people despite what everyone tells me. I believe that there are better ways of asserting oneself than fighting fire with fire. I believe in the power of love and hope to conquer all things bad in this world. Thus I will not fight back unless my sanctity is at stake and I will continue to love even when I am not loved back. I know someday I will find that person I can love and he will love me back and thus we can help each other grow. Until then, I will continue to smile honestly and believe in others even when I am weak.

No comments: